Resistance

For the past seven years I have resisted watching the movie "The Passion of the Christ", until this past Tuesday. You may ask why this resistance? Well, I love to read and I have a pretty good imagination when I am reading. I love to see movies and I can get lost in movies just as much as a book, only in a movie it all comes more real and alive to me.

So if you have seen "The Passion" then you understand why I've avoided watching it. I can't really put into words anything that measures up to the love that God had for us to send His Son to die for us. I feel loved beyond measure.

I was totally take with the woman why played Mary (Jesus' mother.) Seeing a picture of her strength was breathtaking. And her attention focused on Jesus, her son, sometimes it felt like the only way she could get through it was to keep her eyes fixed oh Him, when all I would want to do was turn away from the pain He was experiancing. I sometimes wondered how God must have felt and I think that portrayal of Mary in the movie gave me a little glimpse.

Even as I sat there on Tuesday waiting to watch "The Passion" I can't way that I still really wanted too see it but I am really glad that I did.

With Easter Sunday being tomorrow, remember that He has risen and hold on to your Savior.

Momma Fox

let me first start by letting everyone know that a couple of weeks ago when we were getting back from a trip, our neighbor came out and asked us to follow her into her back yard where she showed us that there were six baby foxes in a small hole in her back yard. crazy, i know. we live in a neighborhood with lots of sounds and people and to think that foxes are that close by is strange. the momma of course is always close by, watching from afar or sun bathing in the neighbors back yard.

these babies are curious creatures. they are very skittish when they think someone is around (which is fine by me) but when they think they are alone they explore the world around them and play to their hearts content.

just yesterday i was leaving my house and i stepped out the side door, with my babies, when i heard a bark. i looked to the yard and the momma was running to the fence line and not soon after that one of the babies came flying to her side. i say this all because I've been having trouble getting little guy to listen to me when i say something, like "come here" and him actually obeying and getting to my side. it's not all the time, usually when he is tired or for whatever crazy reason we decide not to let him take a nap (i know silly right). however, after seeing that my first thought was wow, i wish my baby responded like that baby fox. but i am so glad he's not a fox and that i have this precious human that God has given me to take care of, love, and raise. even if there are times that i may wish he was a fox and would listen right away to my barks. i thank God for him. he may grow up quickly but not as fast as those baby foxes, so trying to cherish these time.

4 months

not baby girls 4months (thats long passed, she's creeping up on 11 months soon. but today is 4 months for little guy to have his tigger ears. what an amazing and eye opening experiance it has been. we always knew little guy was special, being that God gave him to us in difficult circumstances and pulled him and us through it all (litterally at times He had to be the only one holding us up.) and not only is he special but a pretty cool kid too. it is so exciting to watch him grow and learn. we put him in pre-school recently for two days a week and he is loving it. he asks to go to school sometimes even when its not a school day. he's gone from speaking just words to full scentances. there is still lots that we don't understand and frustrationwith it all but he is learning and expressing so much. i hate that it took so long for us to discover that the needed hearing aids but am glad that we found out as soon as we did. the other day i was sitting down with him going over flash cards for speech therapy and when he pointed to the picture of a rabbit i said "good job, that's a bunny." he paused and looked at me and said, "that is not a bunny, it's a rabbit, a bunny rabbit." (said like this, "tha is not a bunny, it a wabbit, a bunny wabbit.") it was so cute. i love all that he is learning, like the clean up song at pre-school that he sing alot. he is precious, amazing, fun, cool, passionate, obsessive, wonderful, a blessing, and mine. i love him.

Feeling the Love

there is something amazingly sweet about children's love. they love so unconditionally and so fully. just yesterday after my little guy woke up(with the sweetest look on his face), ate breakfast (waffles, just about every morning), and went to the bathroom, he looked at me, as i was getting him dressed, and said "mommy?" i looked up and he threw his skinny, sweet, soft arms around my neck and hugged me so tightly that is just melted my heart. i stood up and just hugged him back hoping that, that hug relayed all the love the i felt for him and that he could just know and feel it just by the tightness that i was giving him in return. don't get me wrong i tell him multiple times a day that i love him and truly i do but hugs like that sometimes mean more than the words themselves. to top it all off i got to rock my sweet, soft, chubby baby girl to sleep last night and got to breath in her sweet smell. (even though she needs a bath there is still something sweet about the smell of a baby.) i am truly blessed and love times like those that remind me of that.

10 Months Old

Inadequate

the only word that i can describe for how i am feeling today. i am so blessed in this life, more that i can ever imagine but feeling like there is something missing. i love my family and i love that i get to stay at home with my kids. while i loved the job that i had before i became a stay at home mom i was never so career oriented that i needed to work to find fulfillment or satisfaction. but now being a stay at home mom i feel like i have no goals or things that i am passionate about. my days sometimes feel mundane and pointless. don't get me wrong i love my kids and delight in their joy and have fun with them. but after the plethora of appointments and things that have to get done i wonder if there was any use or point to my day. especially when i look around and see tons of things that have found there resting place on my table, how have i not found the time to pick it up or the places to put it. i'm just feeling disconnected from everything. i want to raise my children to be happy and to love the Lord but wonder if i am doing all that good of a job doing it. i am terrible with words, thought and putting things down but felt that i needed to type even if none of it is coherent or makes sense. i'm sure tomorrow will be different but this is today and what i am dealing with, feeling inadequate.