surprised by motherhood

I just finished this really great book that I had previously started but put down for a bit to read something else. it is amazing how God can use the beautiful words of a book to speak right into you heart and at just the right time.

the book Surprised by Motherhood by Lisa Jo Baker is just what I needed to read. she talks about how she never imagined being a mother and I wondered if I would relate or even connect with anything in this book because all I ever wanted to be was a mother.  there were so many things though that I connected with in the book even though our desired were very different.

being a mom is way, way harder than I ever thought possible. here are a few quote from the book that really hit home for me and helped me through this motherhood, struggling process.....

"I understand because I, to, walk the tightrope between my old habits and my new ones, and as a mom, I want to be present in mind as well as body. smartphones make it easy to pretend."
I don't want to pretend with my little people or with those that I love and love us. I want to be real and true and honest.

"It's funny how having a mom and becoming a mom are so profoundly connected."

"But moving forward is usually impossible without first going back."
I feel very stuck here. My hubby encourages me to meditate and remember my younger years and while I had a pretty great childhood it is difficult for me to contemplate on it and connect with how things were when I was a little girl.

"Becoming a parent is a lot like breaking up with yourself. There are all these things you used to love about yourself and your life. Those late-afternoon naps. Those spontaneous movie nights. The tidy house and pretty things that could easily break. Lots of pretty things. Unbroken pretty things. Uninterrupted meals, sleep, bathroom breaks."
No one ever wants to consider themselves as being selfish but I think that may be part of the problem. there are some selfishness that I need to consider and let go of to continue to be a better mom.

"Some days you've done it right-you've been reasonable in the face of irrational toddlerhood and you've bent low to meet the needs of tiny humans straining against their own limitations. You've reminded yourself that you're the grown-up, and you've tried really hard to act like it."
That is the problem though, right there, that we act like the grown ups that we are. (so hard sometimes) that we guide our children through the struggles that they are going through. that we remember that they are just kids and that they don't have the same coping skills that we are equipped with, even when our coping skills don't seem to be on point.

"How my parenting had mostly been a mixture of embarrassment and frustration."
still remember that girl who could be judgy about the way people were parenting their children (even thought I didn't have any) and now that girl is a parent and has way to many judgements on her self in how she parents and the worry about what other people think. working on releasing those fears and frustrations and embarrassments to Him.

"I saw how long it had been since I had enjoyed him."
in the book, Lisa Jo, wrote a note to her second born and before I barreled though and read her's I wrote one of my own:

So that I embrace the full of life child that God has blessed me with
So that I enjoy her presence and words
So that I relish in her learning and curioursity
So that I see the tender heart that she has
       -her love for singing
       -music
       -twirling
       -gymnastics
       -all things pretty
so that I love her for who God made her. not who I want her to be or others think she needs to be
so that I encourage her through al of the awesome-ness that is her.
completely opposite of me, but maybe, just maybe, everything I need

"No, God doesn't ask us to trade who we are for the label of 'mom'."

"But I believe God loves us too much to leave us flailing in our self-centered universes, so He delivers these tiny reflections of ourselves into our homes with earthquake effectiveness."
Trying to look into the mirrors of who my children are and see them as a reflection of me and maybe that reflection has more smudges than I thought. They are more like me than I realize and sometimes it is the not so good, like me parts.

"And I will keep opening my arms, and we will keep teaching each other what it looks like to give up the pieces of ourselves we thought we needed, in order to make room for someone else."

"I care about slowing down, doing less, being present more."

Friendships

while roaming the wide world of the internet i came across this beautiful prayer for girlfriends  that i wanted to share. take some time to read it over. thankful for the girlfriends the God has placed in my life during every stage of my life. they have all and still continue to teach me something.

Simple 2

Here are a few more shots of my attempt at implementing simple in my photos

thank you Ashley Ann for the guidance. sign up for Ashley's Snapshots class for a more detailed description of how to implement this in your photo taking.

Simple

I have been working through AshelyAnn's Snapshots photography course and trying to take what she is teaching and really apply it. hoping that it all sticks. here are some of my photos that tried to capture simple.

every year for the past few years our small group has made valentine's cards for a local nursing home and delivered them close to valentine's day.  last year we got the kids together and made them together but we ran out of time to plan for that this year so we just decided to make them at home and on Moday we will all meet together to hand them out.

2015 and a photo of us from 2013 (we are still unsure about where our 2014 picture is)

I love this one because you can see the one that she crumbled up and threw to the side but she is still smiling as she moves on to make another card

this picture has no relation to the card making but little girl asked me to play a game with her. it took forever to get set up but then we started to play. games have been a big thing for her recently. it has been fun playing them with her and she is getting really good at some of them. we are still learning and working on how we act and react when we don't win. this shot was random. my camera wasn't snapping and I angled it away from her face and just shapped. I was fooling with the focus bottons or something. anyway I got his picture and loved it even though it doesn't have her face in the shot.

Snow day

you wouldn't believe that just a few weeks ago we had snow but it is true.

the kids got our of school early and no lie, not too much later the show started to fall.

we are usually sleeping when the snow is coming down and we wake up to a winter wonderland to play it but this year we were able to watch it fall and it was magical.

it was confusing for the kids though because all that they wanted to do was play in it.

they were in and out for a while and it accumulated enough for some play time. the next morning after a big breakfast they were ready to go again.